Still trying to define the question

Still working on ways to be independently wealthy.  Still trying to arrange the Bumble Bean's social life.  Still running into my own inertia.  Why?  I know what I want.  I know why I want it.  It's unbelievably valuable to me.  Is it hibernation kicking in? Is it some deep-seated depression?  Tomorrow is the 24th anniversary of my Dad's death.  Last month was the 16th anniversary of my Mom's.  I don't seem to feel sad about that.  The more I hear about the difficulties my peers are having with their parents, the more I feel it was a blessing (disguised at the time).  On the other hand, January 10th marks the 10th anniversary of the Horrible Bitch Woman's death and I may actually celebrate.  Actually, it's a Monday so I probably won't.  Just a glass of wine or two.

So what's my question?  What's my problem?  Why am I antsy and irritable and cranky?  Why do I feel like my skin is too small?  Am I just impatient?  Then why is that not motivating me do something about it?  When I talk to people about this, about this apparent hard-wired or conditioned malaise of the middle-class mind, they tend to become immediately defensive.  And not just people I consider moon-fodder or small-minded or Taoistically asleep.  My sentence structure is going to hell but I'm not going to fix it.

Why can't I finish the Artemis Winter Story?  I went to the beach with the Magical Starfish on Sunday and she said it was just getting harder with age and I countered with "no, there's just more baggage we're dragging around," but I wonder if she wasn't right.  Is it getting harder?  Or are we just more tired so it seems harder?  Is that the same thing?  The octopus is done.  Why can't I use 5 minutes to finish the fish?  Or 10 minutes to finish the frog?  Is it because everything is so disorganized and crazy that I can't be sure anything will work or be findable once I do take the time to start it?  Do I just have a bad attitude?

Oh well.  A great deal of complaining without accomplishing much.  Perhaps it will clear space to do some non-circular work now.