Butt Pimples: what I found out

More commonly referred to as Butt Acne or Buttne. Seriously. Not to be confused with Bum Knee which is an old injury.

There seems to be general agreement that pimples and pimple like things upon ones posterior are either inflamed/infected pores or inflamed/infected hair follicles. Generally agreed upon causes are sweat and debris, including old skin cells, gathering in the pores or follicles.

There is also general agreement on how to avoid getting them as much as possible. Shower directly after sweating. Don't wear yoga pants all the time. Exfoliate your bum. Don't use oil or lotions that clog pores on your butt. Avoid thongs. Wear cotton panties. Cotton might kill in a cold weather survival environment, but cotton grannie panties protect you from buttne in an everyday environment.

If you do get buttne, it is strongly recommended that you don't pop them. How would that even work? Is everyone a lot more flexible that I am? Would you ask a loved one? Would they say yes? Would they still love you?

Here are the toxic chemicals I was expecting:

1. Benzoyl Peroxide Body Wash - "It will bleach your towels, but it works really nicely." Dr. Tanzi
2. Salicylic Acid Pads
3. Lactic Acid Lotion
4. Antibiotics and steroid injections

Dr. Tanzi also says that you should look for acid percentages of 3 and up in cleansing products for you butt.

Also recommended, but less regulated by the FDA:

1. A sonic cleansing brush (I wonder if this would work on my cat?)
2. Head and Shoulders shampoo - supposed it works on back pimples, so why not lower back pimples?
3. Butt Acne Clearing Lotion by Green Heart Labs - fragrance free with arnica and calendula at www.clearbutt.com
4. Sit bare-bottomed on a hot towel for 20 minutes 3-4 times a day (wish I had time for this)
5. Crush up aspirin, mix with water, spread on bum
6. Cover it in honey - manuka honey apparently being the best - and wait 20 minutes before rinsing it off. I hear who's on first:

Boy: "What's taking you so long in the bathroom, honey."

Girl: "Yes. And I can't even sit down."

Boy: "What?" 

Girl: "It's sticky."

Boy: "What are you talking about, honey?"

Girl: "Yes. That's why I can't sit down."

I couldn't find any spa treatments or wearable inserts for personal hide tanning or even mention of yaks, but still pretty entertaining.

Butt Pimples: why and what to do about it

It just occurred to me to wonder about this today. I have not yet even gone so far as to google it. This is may favorite time in the research process, when you have a question and imagine what you might find.

I'm hoping to find an article or encyclopedic entry titled as this post. It will have a section on why from allopathic medicine's point of view with toxic topical and internal medicines warning of such side effects as erectile dysfunction, male lactation and increased risk of heart attack. It will have various theories from non-traditional medicine ranging from dairy and wheat allergies to your colon chi being in excess due a blockage in the next chi down the line. There will be suggestions of using Tellurium mixed with egg yolks and other such noxious remedies.

Then there will be a variety of spa and home treatments: the butt facial, , butt-buffing, a butt shaped tanning unit you can stick in your pants, special yak mesh underwear infused with mustard oil that massages and wicks away the impurities. The possibilities are so much fun. Unfortunately, what I actually find will probably not live up to my expectations.

Going now to Google, WikiPedia and possibly PubMed.

Ideas are dangerous things

I was all set to go dancing tonight which I love and which I will not be able to do for the rest of the summer, and even though I was exhausted to the point of barely standing up, I put on my dress and went forth for a salad (light enough to not get naseous while being swung.) While eating alone, I was reading (of course) and fireworks started going off in my head and I just sat there neglecting my salad writing furiously, acting upon some serious revelations:
1. I have to quit my job. It is not worthy of me and I don't deserve to so belittle myself.
2. I have to do it soon. Like in the next year.
3. It's Sharon's fault for giving me the book.
4. It is going to be hard for me to find another job since I will not be grateful to be employed; I will be looking for something worthy of my talents.
5. It is going to be next to impossible. Bring it on!

El Guapo is dead

Not the fighter, Bas Rutten, but his name-sake the fighting fish.  He had been dying for a while, not eating, then eating, lying on his side, then not lying on his side. He looked rather as if he had had a stroke except I really have no idea if fish can have strokes and if they can if they effect only one side etc. I kept feeling like I should be doing more for him. At one point I had decided he actually was dead just lying there on his side near the bottom, so I asked the Big Bad Bean, who came over and tapped the tank. I think it was rather like CPR for the little guy since he jumped up and was fine for a few days, then went back to his malingering.

Just to be sure, I left him there and kept feeding him until bits started falling off and drifting away. then I flushed his corpse. I'm not sure why I thought Deer Island was a better solution than being dug up and harried by the crazy neighborhood squirrels, but I did.

Humph.

Fit or unfit? [From last year about this time]

When people ask the Big Bad Bean about how best to get in shape, he always responds with, "in shape for what?"  This past week has made it clear that I am not in any decent shape to be a mom to the Bumble Bean.  We bounced Tuesday morning [ow, sore], went skating Tuesday afternoon (haven't done that in over a decade and never in hockey skates) [crippled, broken, swollen feet] followed by play ground running and climbing and sliding.  Fortunately the Bumble Bean noticed that I was broken and gave me kisses to fix me.  Maybe not so fortunate since he was so darn cute and sweet that I was inspired to keep going instead of collapsing like any moderately intelligent adult.  Then, Wednesday, we decided to take it easy and go on a family walk about at the Sheepfold.  Two hours later, we limped home and I took a bunch of glutamine.

My kid is Winnie-the-Pooh

The Big Bad and Bumble Beans went for a walk the other day.
The Big Bad Bean asked the Bumble Bean, "What are you thinking about?"
And the Bumble Bean replied, "Words that end in 'ing.'"
"Like what?"
"Like 'walking,'" replied the Bumble Bean.
Not to miss a teaching moment, the Big Bad Bean asked, "And what does 'walking' start with?"
"Home."
"And what does it end with?"
"Lunch," was the very firm reply of the Bumble Bean- ending in 'ing' forgotten for more important things.

Facebook is dead, and I'm not sorry

I finally killed my facebook account today.  Yesterday I got a big dose of scorn from the Big Bad Bean about still having an account even though I don't log into if it is so repellent to me.

Meanwhile, all kinds of silly things continue to happen to me.  The Bumble Bean continues to grow and be charming and ridiculous.  An enormous list of things continues to be not done.